I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
