so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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