the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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