I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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