Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
