She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
