idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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