Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
