I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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