True but thats because hes a fetus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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