dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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