He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
