I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
