If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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