I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
