How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
