Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
