her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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