Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
