the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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