I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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