So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
