i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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