I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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