Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
