glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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