real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You can't motorboat a personality
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
