wrigley field is MILF paradise
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
