Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
