Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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