I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
