I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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