i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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