Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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