Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
