She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
