No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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