if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
