who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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