I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
