Just cropdusted the office
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
