This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
