I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
