A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
