She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this just has baby written all over it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
