There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
