I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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