you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
