He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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