I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
