Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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