come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
