My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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