hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
