Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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