did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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