I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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