You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
