just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
