So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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