hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
