i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
