Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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