Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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