listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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