The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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