I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
